Quincy received his report card in a sealed envelope—which he promptly ripped open, read, and resealed in another envelope—at the end of his kindergarten year. It looked like this:
Kindergarten Where Children Come to Shine!
Singing: J J J
only sings about half of the songs, but he appears to truly enjoy “Puff the
Magic Dragon,” “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” and “Twenty Bottles of Milk on the
Wall.” Sometimes he simply screams. He asked me once, “What is the difference
between screaming and singing?” I didn’t
know how to answer him. I still don’t.
Coloring within the Lines: J J
only seems to use the colors red and black.
He holds the red crayon in one fist and the black crayon in the other
fist and he makes clockwise and counterclockwise circles until the paper
rips. Then he colors his desk.
Sharing: J J J J J J J J J J J J
is a true networker. He enjoys walking
around the room exchanging his own toys for the toys of others. He has so many toys, and so his generosity is
particularly rewarding to the class. Whenever
something goes missing, we can be sure that it has been somehow misplaced in Quincy’s desk.
Napping Like Giants: J J J J
goes right to sleep on cue, and he sleeps for the entire class period. He has learned this lesson so well
that he has been observed practicing his sleeping in other classes.
Learning Our Alphabet: J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J
Comments: It appears that
Quincy arrived at our school with the ability
to read. You provided excellent
preparation of Quincy
for the rigors of kindergarten at Ingoll’s!
Milk and Cookies: J J J
will only drink chocolate milk. He
furthermore demands that any cookie he eats be nuked for five seconds. At first, we did not acquiesce to his
demands. (We had no microwave.) But then the screaming
began. When we told him to stop, he told us that the song wasn’t over. Now all of the children demand chocolate milk
and nuked cookies, and if we do not comply, the screaming commences en masse. Imagine, if you will, 22 5-year-olds, mouths open, tonsils exposed, hollering till purple. Ha ha. Ha. We needed a microwave anyway.
is an excellent young child whom we firmly believe will transform into a
generous, kind, intelligent young adult.
No real obstacle stands in the way from allowing Quincy to achieve whatever goals he sets for
EXPECTED FUTURE OCCUPATIONS: CEO, Stock Analyst, Sleep-Study Participant, Dictator of Resource-Poor Nation, Unemployed