Four--Patrik Antonius Interviewed by Bluff Magazine

Q: Patrik, tell us about the women.

A: The women?  I make love to the women.

Q: Which women?

A: Many women.  My goal is to make love to all of the women.  And when I am done with the women, I will start with the men.

Q: Patrik, you have such a calm demeanor at the table, never giving off any information to your opponents.  Can tell your fans at Bluff magazine the last time you went on tilt at a poker table?

A: I was online against a maniac.  He kept shoving his draws.  I call a couple of times and stack him twice.  But then he is shoving his sets, and I am calling.  We both have monster stacks.  Finally I call one of his overbets with second pair with one card to come, and he has a gutshot and a flush draw and no pair, so a pretty good situation for me.  I am a three to one favorite.  The river card is the three of diamonds, which gives him a straight and a flush.  It was as if he took Big King and set him on a table--

Q: Big King?

A: My organ.  It belongs to the women.

Q: Oh.

A: It felt like he set my love organ on a concrete slab and began whacking it with a hammer.  And then he leaves the table instantly.  This made me . . . a bit troubled.  And so—what is the English word for using your head as a weapon?

Q: The English word?

A: To weaponize your face.  What is the word for this?

Q: . . . Headbutt?

A: Headbutt.  Thank you, yes.  And so I headbutted my keyboard until I became unconscious.  I broke my nose and chipped a tooth and spent the night in the hospital because the doctors feared that I might suffer from bleeding in the brain.  Keyboards are plastic, but also surprisingly hard.  But normally I am very calm at the tables.