Q: Patrik, tell us about the women.
A: The women? I make love to the women.
Q: Which women?
A: Many women. My goal is to make love to all of the women. And when I am done with the women, I will start with the men.
Q: Patrik, you have such a calm demeanor at the table, never giving off any information to your opponents. Can tell your fans at Bluff magazine the last time you went on tilt at a poker table?
A: I was online against a maniac. He kept shoving his draws. I call a couple of times and stack him twice. But then he is shoving his sets, and I am calling. We both have monster stacks. Finally I call one of his overbets with second pair with one card to come, and he has a gutshot and a flush draw and no pair, so a pretty good situation for me. I am a three to one favorite. The river card is the three of diamonds, which gives him a straight and a flush. It was as if he took Big King and set him on a table--
Q: Big King?
A: My organ. It belongs to the women.
A: It felt like he set my love organ on a concrete slab and began whacking it with a hammer. And then he leaves the table instantly. This made me . . . a bit troubled. And so—what is the English word for using your head as a weapon?
Q: The English word?
A: To weaponize your face. What is the word for this?
Q: . . . Headbutt?
A: Headbutt. Thank you, yes. And so I headbutted my keyboard until I became unconscious. I broke my nose and chipped a tooth and spent the night in the hospital because the doctors feared that I might suffer from bleeding in the brain. Keyboards are plastic, but also surprisingly hard. But normally I am very calm at the tables.