Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Fourteen--Quincy "Learns" How to Play NL (Part 1)

Three days after his mother's Las Vegas marriage to Teddy Capers, Teddy settled into his La-Z-Boy in the living room and opened his laptop.  "Hey kid," he said.

Quincy looked up from his Risk board.  A six-sided war between Germany, Japan, France (which always lost), the U.S.S.R., Canada, and the United States had whittled down to a battle between America and Hitler.  Naturally, Quincy acted as general of every country's army.  At first, he found it difficult to keep Hitler's surprises from the Allied forces, but now it was getting easier for Quincy to keep secrets from himself.  "Yeah?" he answered.

"Whatcha doin?"

"World domination."

"Oh.  Who normally wins?"

Quincy stared at him and blinked.  "I do."

Teddy abruptly asked, "Quick.  What's your name?"


"Full name."

"Quincy Capers."


"Quincy Capers."

"One more time."

"Quincy Capers."

"Good.  Quincy Berkley is dead.  You're a brand new kid.  And your first act as Quincy Capers is to get me some SoCo from the shelf above the oven.  Can you reach it?"  Quincy ran over and showed that he could.  "Marvelous.  Fill a tumbler with ice and bring it all here.  Your new Daddy's about to play some poker.  Maybe I can teach you a little something about world domination."

Quincy decided not to mention that he had a PokerStars balance of $214,632.  Instead he said, "Okay, Dad."

Teddy checked his balance: $40.31.  While Quincy hung on the arm of the recliner, Teddy took a sip of caramel liquid, said, "You mix a mean drink," and fired up a single table of $100NL.

"Uh," began Quincy.


"You play one table?"

"--As opposed to what?  Just sit back and watch me work.  Poker is complicated."

New to the table, Teddy posted his blind from middle position and was dealt two red kings.  The player under the gun raised to $3.  Another player to Teddy's right called.  Teddy explained, "Here is where we slowplay.  It's an advanced move."  He called--Quincy began to squirm--as did three others.

Six players headed to the flop of the ace of clubs, queen of diamonds, and six of hearts.

The player under the gun bet half of the pot.  The player to Teddy's right raised.  When Teddy shoved all in, Quincy fell off the chair's arm.

Seconds passed. Then from the floor Quincy heard Teddy exclaim, "Are you kidding me?  What a suckout.  Ripoff.  Second best hand in poker loses to ace queen suited.  Ace queen is a fold every time.  You can't make advanced plays against idiots."  He took a single gulp of his drink, leaving nothing but ice.

"Refill, bartender.  And get my wallet from the nightstand next to my bed.  Hijack just woke the dragon."


  1. "Here is where we slowplay. It's an advanced move."

    Sad to say, so many people do exactly like this. Wait! That's not sad, it's good for me.

  2. Yeah. As I recall, they either do Teddy's move and think it's a suckout, or else they limp AK and then shove all in on rag flop. I miss microstakes.

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